[Bulletin] Local residents are advised to give any wandering lawn gnomes a wide berth during the next fortnight, as it is their rutting season and they are very territorial and aggressive during this time. A Mr. M. Bell of Moose Balls, B.C. discovered this last night when he went outside to investigate a noise. “I heard this loud racket outside, eh, and when I stepped out, there was these two bull gnomes going at each other. What a noise! It sounded like two cats in heat banging bowling balls together, eh. Anyways, I yelled at them, eh, and the nearer one, I think he had a blue jacket, he turned around, eh, and before I could move he was up my leg and under my shirt, fast as you please. He popped out of the collar, and nutted me right between the eyes, eh, and that’s the last thing I remember. Nasty little buggers, eh?” Residents are advised to call the regional Lawn Control Office to report problem gnomes.

This message has been a community service of Atomic Toasters.

And now,

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