User Input

User Input: Warm and Cozy

Godzilla

In all the old Godzilla movies, the eponymous villain tends to stomp around a lot, quite cranky indeed, wrecking shit and generally causing mayhem. And then he sets fire to all of it with his Amazing Fire Breath™. Now, let’s face it, that’s a pretty sweet trick he’s got there, but what if the poor fellow is just a little bit misunderstood?

I mean sure, he wrecks buildings and destroys things, but he only does this in Japan. Being that he’s a large reptile, and reptiles rely on a temperate climate, could it be, perhaps, that he’s just cranky that the destination he finally stumbles upon is just too chilly for his liking? After all, you never see him wreaking havoc on Thailand or sunny Australia. Although that might just be because Australia already has plenty of scary lizards and critters to worry about, and even Godzilla doesn’t want to deal with them. But what if Japan is just a little too chilly? I mean, if he landed here in Canada at any time other than our week or so of summer, he just wouldn’t survive; if the temperature didn’t finish him off, the Vancouver drivers would probably do it. Ditto for Russia.

Japan is unique in that regard around the Pacific rim. It’s the only place where the temperature is warm enough that Godzilla would stand a chance of surviving at any time of the year, but not so warm that he’d be able to thrive. As such, he’s probably just cranky as hell. After a few years of living in Edmonton — and quite a few more years in Northern British Columbia before that — I can say with certainty that when I’m cold, I get cranky. What if the same is true for Godzilla, and all the fire-breathing stuff he does is just to try and keep warm?

Assuming Godzilla is really just misunderstood and chilly, what’s the best way for us to keep the poor guy warm so he doesn’t stomp on Tokyo again?

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