User Input

User Input: Well-Meaning Projects


In yesterday’s User Input, our own skitter quietly linked to a site featuring a letter from the Doctor Who production office. “Dear Ronald,” it read. “I have pleasure in enclosing the blueprints for constructing a Dalek”. I think my favourite part of the letter is the simple fact that it is a form letter, meaning they’ve had to send that exact letter out hundreds of times. Bunches of photos below the jump.

Also, the anti-gravity device is your own responsibility.

Also, the anti-gravity device is your own responsibility.

The site featuring the letter also linked to a site that had delightfully high-resolution scans of an actual set of Dalek blueprints. Now, these were intended to be a school project, to allow youngsters to construct their very own pet Daleks. I’m sorry; this is a very bad idea. The Daleks are homicidal maniacs who would like nothing more than to destroy the world, and every tidbit of life living on it. Sorry, did I say “destroy”? I meant “EX-TER-MI-NATE.” Clearly, these are not the kinds of creatures who should be entrusted to the hands of children!

Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take it on, though.

What other misguided-but-entertaining project should we take on? And how could we improve upon their Dalek plans to make them even more awesomer? (Seriously, I’m thinking of building one in my garage…)

  • SSurfer321

    How does AT not have a sponsored team at the annual Punkin Chunkin event?

    TheProfessor and mdharrell could assist with the rig while Techie and Sparky handle the automated controls and Engineerd could wind tunnel test punkins made for chunkin. All while Ms. $kaycog keeps moral up and infighting down.*

    *apologies to other regular contributors/editors/posters whom I neglected to mention. I'm sure there's room enough on the team for everyone to contribute their expertise.

    • Deartháir

      …and I will… watch… apparently.

      ::runs off to room to cry for not being included::

      • fodder650

        That's ok because it appears I would be in the blimp overhead filming everything.

      • Nobody said you could watch.

        • fodder650

          Well fine I'll just take my toys and go home.

    • CaptianNemo2001

      Money, Free time(IE spent away form them inter-webs), Disagreement on what type of machine to enter.

      If it were me it would be an Uber-sized trebuchet standing well over 80 at the shoulder and ~160 at the tip.

      • texlenin

        This is AT, and that can only mean….railgun launcher!
        And since ya'll haven't gotten 'round to sending my invitation,
        I'll just show up anyway. Me, my tools, and my bourbon…..

    • jeepjeff

      [youtube I9zBGgpzl0I youtube]

      I bet this scales. The main trick would be pumping down the barrel fast enough (there's a 15 minute window for firing once the pumpkin is loaded).

  • skitter

    It should be scaled to accommodate you as an operator, or better yet, replace your entire cubicle.

    And serve as a Punkin Chunkin shelter, as mentioned above.

    • Deartháir

      If Jeremy Clarkson had been a little more clever, his P45 could have looked like this instead.

  • Number_Six

    I'm thinking Daleks jousting – just not sure how to make this dangerous, motorized, but not fatal. How about Daleks sumo suits mounted on something like a Honda Ruckus?

  • Have we already given up on the Death Star?

  • The Professor

    Hmph. I want the planet eater from Star Trek TOS. Daleks can kiss my skinny, wrinkled ass.

    • Deartháir

      We really need to start writing up these head-to-head face-offs. Maybe do it as a round-robin tournament. So who shall we have as competitors?

      • Number_Six

        Round 1: Gort vs corrosion while he holidays in the Solomon Islands
        Round 2: Rusted Gort vs Robbie *Danger! Danger!* the Robot
        Round 3: The insane crew of Sunshine vs the insane crew of Event Horizon

        • CaptianNemo2001

          The crew of the Event Horizon were just having a bad day.

      • The Professor

        Ok, are we going to be limited to TV and movie characters or can we bring in comic book characters too? I think a broader field would be more fun, but we need to DQ all invulnerable assholes like Superman, otherwise it'll just get boring.

        OK, my chosen character is Godzilla – the mean, nasty one, not the one that all of the little kiddies like. Who wants to go?

        • Number_Six
          • The Professor

            You're on, fat boy!

            /how are we going to work this? We'll need a ref for decisions and stuff I guess. I'm not a gamer, how do you guys do this stuff?

          • Number_Six

            We need to buy one of these and keep it locked up in the A/T cellar for occasions like this:
            <img src="; width="500" />

          • Deartháir

            I assume you mean the T-shirt, because down in the basement of the AtomicToasters Galactic Central Command, we already have a…



        • Deartháir

          I agree with your DQ rules. I'm leaving The Doctor out for that reason too, because they've established that nothing can destroy the TARDIS if it's functioning properly. It can sit at the centre of a supernova or black hole without being affected, so that makes the conflict moot, because it always becomes, “The Doctor returns to the TARDIS. Everyone else loses.”

      • B72

        We should televise the contest at prime time. I’d call the show “Leave it to Reavers”, as they would be the obvious winners.

  • I think we should be asking all children to build Daleks. If little Johnny can escape extermination, he will be allowed to grow up into a slightly less annoying adult.

    /Does not like people. Likes children even less.

    • The Professor

      Oh, I like children. I can't finish a whole one by myself though.

      • texlenin

        Slow roasted, or grilled?

  • Evidently KLF (a.k.a The Timelords) didn't think to write to the BBC for the plans. Still, I love this video.

    [youtube bdTELokKfCk youtube]