Startup: Alien Wormhole Calculator Plan Backfires



For decades our planet was bombarded with alien technology. While appearing to be an abacus under the influence of LSD, this complex device was actually a form of abacus for calculating the event horizon and energy alignment threshold for opening transport wormholes throughout the galaxy. Wormholes are, of course, directional, so to open one of any significant size at a given point, both the source and destination apertures must be aligned with each other. Without such alignment, the aliens were only able to open an aperture large enough to send through the abacus itself. The plan was to harness humans’ natural scientific curiosity and have researchers inadvertently open a gateway to their own doom as hordes of alien stormtroopers flooded our planet. Unfortunately, such devices were mistakenly perceived to be children’s toys and litter waiting rooms around the world. Fondled, but forgotten. This actually had the double effect of not only failing to allow an invading army onto our world, but convinced the would-be-invaders that a species so unimpressed by wormhole technology as to hand it over to their kids as a mere toy must be far too intelligent to be trifled with.

  • Modeleccentric

    That's why I had such an eerie sense of foreboding when I played with one of those….

  • skitter

    What makes you think they failed?
    No one has ever taken over a planet in less than 6000 years.

    • Vairship

      What makes you think they haven't already taken over? I spend large amounts of time in a fabric covered box they call a 'cubicle' doing things that aren't much fun within impossible budgets and schedules, all to please the "shareholders", whoever they are. When I could be out playing with lego or taking the dogs to the beach…. Clearly they have some sort of mind-control over me, and this magical (and in itself quite useless and not-very-good-tasting thing) called "money".