Startup: Troll Hunting

OK, before you get all bent out of shape let me clarify: I own and have enjoyed Apple products. I have also owned and enjoyed other products. I would not call myself a fanboy, but I have been to an Apple store and it did feel very much like this. It’s like being in the crowd after losing the Stanley Cup. You may not be a thief under normal circumstances, but when someone flips a patrol car and lights it on fire, you can’t help but steal hair products from a broken department store display window.

  • iDiots

  • Well, they were asking for it.

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  • OA5599

    What exactly goes on in an Apple store to suck people in, anyway? I had the occasion to visit one last month when my wife won an iPad and she was trying to decide whether to upgrade before she opened the package.

    The store had probably 50 people in it, and the whole time I was there (30 minutes), perhaps 3 or 4 of them left. Are the stores some sort of Venus Fly Trap baited with slick iObjects intended to ensnare and distract until closing time, when the customers are ground up and turned into Soylent White?

    • Number_Six

      I've been in Apple store exactly once: it was in Tokyo and I needed to send an email. I got the f*ck out of there the second my work was done. I will admit to ordering my two iPod nanos online and also to using iTunes, both of which I feel mildly soiled by. But that wee laptop they make – name escapes me – sure is purdy.

    • Deartháir

      At least in the ones in Edmonton, the simple fact is that they WANT you to use their products. The salespeople don't come and pester the shit out of you when you're playing with them, they let you come to them. So you end up with hundreds of people who are just playing. The devices on display are all pre-loaded with the latest and most popular games, and the store encourages you do just stand there and play with them. I went in to grab a new mouse, and discovered that the Significant Other and my friend who was shopping with us had found iPads with a networked game on them. They were playing against each other, and I eventually left the store, did everything else I needed to do in the mall, grabbed a Cinnabon, and came back to find they were still playing.

      Whether you like Apple or hate them, their store model is fantastic, and every electronics retailer should throw out everything they've been doing and follow them. Give us toys to play with, and tell the obnoxious 17-year-old sales-kids to fuck right off. "Oh, but how will we make money that way?" Hand. Over. Fucking. Fist. If people want to go there, they'll want to buy there.

    • Mr_Biggles

      I went for the first time ever the other day to the Apple store. My 8 year old had been saving her money for a year or so to get an iPod touch. It was the store at the Eaton Centre in Toronto. It was absolutely packed and I assumed we would be there for hours. Raul at the door said oh no c'mon in. He stuck us in front of an imac and hit a couple of buttons. There was a little popup that told us we were 3rd in line and sure enough less than 2 minutes later Amanda showed up and helped us out. She said they get 45000 people through that store every week and have 300 people on staff.

      I have to give them credit. Their service was excellent. Amanda was willing to spend as long as it took to get my daughter set up, even to the point of letting her peck out her email and passwords herself (loooong and painful). She even told us in a quiet voice that we would be better spending our money on a case from Best Buy rather than paying the Apple store's prices. I'm not an Apple guy but if I were, I wouldn't be getting my Apple stuff anywhere else.

  • Deartháir

    I was wondering how you ended up with an entire closet full of about 2500 cans of hair spray, Techie.

    • TechieInHell

      Gotta power my potato gun somehow!

    • In Techie's defense, that cache may very well be entirely unrelated to the looting incident(s).

      • CaptianNemo2001

        What are the odd's?

  • I thought Zombies were attracted to brains?

    • Yes, but they themselves are stupid.
      Stupid enough to equate "Genius" with having brains.

  • If I had time, I'd photoshop in a BMW dealership.

    • Number_Six

      Make it region-specific with Calgary oil people and X6's. I swear there must be a spike in sales of those big rolling turds over here.