You might have seen this photo before...
(Author’s note; Recently on our sister site Hooniverse, chief blooger Jeff Glooker detailed an epic cross country trip to deliver an old sports car out to the East coast. While Jeff and his brother traveled in opulent luxury surrounded by such extravagances as seat cushions, windows and door handles, another road trip saga was playing out in an entirely different direction. Here then is part one of that “other” story…)
It all started with an email, “Hey Sparky, wanna race the Saab?”
Oh dear. I was afraid of this. Again.
This one question would set in motion a series of events that would not only nearly kill this author several times and entangle a large cast of misfit-characters, but create a swath of confusion that spanned three states and thousands of miles along the beautiful Pacific Northwest highway system.
The originator of the email was none other than our own resident crazy-man Mike, aka MDHarrell, who has repeatedly demonstrated (beyond any reasonable doubt) that “Clearly, he is the crazier one”.
This old car had served as the owner’s daily driver for numerous years before being replaced by a 1937 Plymouth sedan. It then languished in the “World’s Weirdest Driveway” for the rest of the decade growing a green coat of moss and of as part of a collection that included an MG Metro, a pair of KV Minis, a “Freeway” (whatever the hell that is) and a second nearly identical ‘68 Saab sporting the “Big-Block” German V4 power.
World's Weirdest Driveway
The ’67 however was destined for greatness. The owner slowly hatched a plan to dominate the regional 24 Hours of Lemons races with all of it’s smokey 2-stoke glory. It had been caged and prepped, and was 100% ready other than the small nagging detail that it didn’t actually run. Yet.
These are the kind of weird scenarios I just can’t seem to resist. Like Sirens on the cliffs of Sirenum Scopuli, watching Youtube videos of Saab 2-strokes late at night only fueled my desire to drive one of these beasts in person.
But I had told myself LAST year I would never do this again. And I meant it. I could still feel the 13 39 hour drive in my bones from last year’s Iron-Butt road trip marathon to the PNW and back. Many of you have probably heard tidbits of the story, but that tale needs to be told before this year’s adventure can be properly understood.
ZomBee & Dysentrailer at Shasta
At the time, last year, it seemed easy enough – just hitch a 1-wheeled Calistoga wagon nick-named the Dysentrailer to the back of my mostly road-legal 24 hrs of Lemons race car and hit the road. In a few long hours I would be north at Oregon Raceway Park, helping drive Crazy-Mike’s Saab to a highly probable Index of Effluency win!
Meanwhile, a cast of semi-famous crap-can racers (Paul & Judy Kiel of Stickfigure/MRolla fame, Erik Torgeson from Free Range/Chumpcar, and Steve McDaniel – Madman Extraordinaire’) would command the ZomBee on to an incredible finish. And assuming they did not blow it up (I had a spare motor in the passenger’s seat just in case) I would just drive it home. Easy weekend! Right?
Paul "Bender" in rare form
The Saab however was having none of that. Despite all Crazy-Mike-Harrell’s efforts, motor swaps and encyclopedia-esque knowledge base his car flat-out refused to run. Thus we ended up sharing the ZomBee between our two teams – and we STILL ended up 8th overall on day 1. The ZomBee actually got to cue up with the top 10 finishers on day two. We were as confused as everyone else. Finishing the race in a slow but steady 11th place overall secured us the IOE trophy, just not in the car we were expecting. Hauling the silly wagon up and back probably had nothing to do with it, but I got a surprise hug from chief perp Jay, whom I was previously convinced just wanted me to stop annoying him with this damn silly car.
I.O.E Winning ZomBee Team
The drive home however took a LOT longer than the drive up, and was drawn out over several days just prior to the 4th of July weekend. It included a wobbly rear axle hub on the car, plus several hours of back-tracking for an emergency pit stop at my buddy Leo Clark’s house in Eugene Oregon to swap out a burnt valve with one from the spare motor in the passenger’s seat, while the Lemons forums helped out online wherever they could.
The trip also featured every state trooper from Portland to the San Francisco Bay area tailing me, shaking their heads, talking on the radio and taking photos. Arriving home delirious at 3am almost a full week after the race, I REALLY wished I had thought to re-install the racing-seat-pad that I taken out over the previous winter.
Loading up my passenger to keep me company
THIS year, with flashbacks from the previous trip still fresh in my mind (shudder) I had not planned on attending the Northworst race at all, let alone bringing the ZomBee again. Even though Leo offered me a spot on his RX7 team, and Scott C. from Team Petty Cash had lured/offered/threatened me with yet another free spare MGB motor from the floor of his garage just for showing up.
NOPE! NOT. GONNA. DO. IT. Maybe next year… when the pain of my stupidity finally fades… I’m getting too old for this crap.
But then came the emails….
“Hey Pete, wanna drive the Saab?” Followed by “I got it running!”
ARRRRGG!!! The sirens began loudly singing their femme-fatale songs… and thus I began to drift towards the rock of Scylla. That night I had a premonition… a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach I just could not shake, yet it beckoned…
“Race me…”
Yoo-hoo!!
(Continue with Extraordinarily Stupid Road Trip – Part 2)
I like the part where it runs.
A minor detail that turned out to be a great idea!!
Truth is stranger than fiction.
Allegedly.
No, it's true: I do like that part.
There are days where I wonder just how in the heck I got myself mixed up with this lot. I mean, I'm a nice, Christian boy from California just trying to live my life. Out of boredom I find this awesome car site called [REDACTED] and soon I'm in a tailspin of weirdness. Then I get asked to write for some little blog nobody has ever heard about and I think, "Great. I'm free!" But no. The weirdness follows.
Today is not one of those days. Today is one of the days where I celebrate the weirdness and am proud to converse with you crazy characters online.
Cheers!
<img src="http://bite-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/marty-feldman_2.jpg" />
Why do you have a picture of my uncle Murray?
This was the last thing I saw before he placed his handkerchief over my face.
You fell for that? That's how he met my aunt.
Hey! I have that hat!
So the Pope is among us?
When that picture was taken, he was a cabbie in Sheboygan. He wouldn't say why, either.
I wish to join in your salute to weirdness! Also, you west coast fellows seem to have a whole lot of fun, and as one with a imminent move out in that direction, I hope to try to weasel my way into some of it. My life needs more 'You want to do what?' conversations with my wife.
If you ever want to pilot something British and even more likely to kill you, just holler!
I look at that driveway and I cringe KV, Saab and a freaking Austin METRO!? I'm assuming the yellow trike thingy is actually pretty solid.
The neighbors cringe when they look in that direction, too.
It's not as bad as one might think. I'm on a flag lot:
http://portlandrealestateblog.com/realestate/2008…
It's actually the MG Metro! Even better!!
('Better" being largely subjective and open to interpretation)
Arn't we arguing over semantics? Austin, MG, Morris, Rover and British Leyland. There wasn't so much incest in a corperate sense till Porsche and VW started fondling eachother publicly a couple years ago.
No, certainly not! It's quite distinct. The MG Metro has a spoiler around the perimeter of its hatch window and, um, the whole car has "MG" badges all over it.
Well, fine, mostly decals instead of proper badges. Still, not the same!
Also, I assure you the "yellow trike thingy" is as solid as the Tecumseh engine that powers it.
My lawnmower has a Tecumseh. Good engine. Mind you, I have to push my lawnmower. Let's hope that yellow trike thingy doesn't have the same downfall.
Also, my dad has 3 (!!) Saab 96 two strokers, two of them 1967 versions. I keep telling him to take one of the '67s and make it a rally car (it'd be more fun than the Sentra SE-R he currently runs).
No, none of them run either. Maybe that's why he hasn't rallied one yet.
I DEMAND PART 2 NAO!!!! You are such a tease!
How about the executive summary?
[youtube PQUpDmWF63c http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQUpDmWF63c youtube]
Hella Sweet!!
If you jokers are doing this next year, send me an invite. I have zero wrenching skills but I can drive and find my way around the beer section of a grocery store.
Hmmm. I dunno. You sound overqualified.
He's only overqualified if you put "drive" and "beer" in the wrong order.
Get him liquored up, then send him on track.
Or, better yet, get him liquored up then hand him a wrench and tell him to fix the smoking issue the Saab has…
I have to smoke in the Saab? Suh-weet.
May as well. Every other car on the track smoked it.
I should do this… Didn't know this was going on in oregon. I have been up to PIR. mmm might have to get the parts car running with some spare parts… got the engine and trans out of the car being "restored" (modded with 300 rhp) so it wont be needing the original engine…
Ohhh I see a mess coming along and loving it.
http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/tag/24-hours-of-…
ZomBee is seen… ^^
The track /
[youtube 5d3GW_I0d2A http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5d3GW_I0d2A youtube]
[youtube jLlO09oys0w&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLlO09oys0w&feature=related youtube]
Has the orange cones out as driving aids.
Hmm. Wanna do that road trip we talked about?
Damn straight.
As cool as it is, that Saab's pretty mainstream for LeMons. How about running the Freeway?
2.1: Vehicle Eligibility: Entry limited to mass-produced, four-wheeled vehicles legal for US highway use at the time of their manufacture….
Besides, I don't even want to contemplate what it'd take to cage it to LeMons standards.
Can't you just say it had four wheels at the time of manufacture, but one fell off? There are a lot of other Lemons cars that could believably make that claim. Just add a wheel under the nose. What could possibly go wrong?
It's hard to say the extent to which anyone else at LeMons HQ is up to speed on the history of early-'80s domestic cabin scooters, but I'm pretty sure a claim of four original wheels wouldn't get past Judge Phil. No, the only safe route would be to request a waiver.
There's also, however, a new rule in the works for next season specifying a wheelbase of at least 82". The Freeway's is 80". A waiver on both issues? I suspect not.
Yes, clearly I've given the matter some thought.
Entry limited to mass-produced,
OK there
four-wheeled vehicles legal for US highway use at the time of their manufacture….
It was legal for highway use at the time of manufacture, so you're good there, too. I read the remainder of that sentence as saying it has to have four wheels at the time of entry, not necessarily at the time of manufacture, though I'm pretty sure no other team has tried to push the issue yet. But add a wheel at least 82" behind the front one, and you at least have a plausible argument.
Besides, you're on team AT, and have won IOE in two consecutive years. Certainly they cut Speedycop some slack with his airplane. If you don't look to be a danger to yourself or the other racers, and your 3+1 wheeler isn't fast enough for a top 20 finish, they would be silly not to grant a waiver.
I don't think the car could handle "occasional incidents" very well. But Sunbeam did win the IOE at Le Mans way way way back in the early 1960's. Sunbeam Harrington won the Thermal Index of Efficiency in 1961
But if it raced with the Dysentrailer attached, it would be legal in every aspect.
And extremely waiverworthy, too. Brilliant!
Now you tell me! Why did I waste my time putting a conventional hitch on it when I should have been thinking in terms of affixing a swivel-wheeler?
This is so damn inspiring. Can't wait to get my '64 96 running this weekend or next.
[...] (continued from part 1, which can be found here) [...]
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