He hardly looks like he's had a stroke in this photo.
When I was just a little Deartháirling, I can remember watching the fuzzy flickering images on our television set and being hypnotized by some of the flashy, musical, sparkly advertisements that danced across the screen every few moments during my favourite shows. Try this cereal! It’s delicious, and has real chocolate bars in it! Try this one, it has marshmallows! Try this shampoo, it has both chocolate bars AND marshmallows in it! I remember running into the kitchen of our tiny little house at the time and asking my mother if I could have a box of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs with Real Chocolate Bars and Marshmallows and Pop Rocks and Gummy Bears and Sugar-Coated Synthetic Strawberry Substitutes. My mother smiled sweetly, bent down to look me right in the eye, and said, “Not a chance.”
She did eventually relent and purchase a very small box of something chocolatey with a very good advertisement. I brought it home with almost uncontrolled excitement. The advertisement had promised me it would be glorious, and surely my dear friends in the television box would never lie to me. Positively ecstatic that I had managed to finally persuade my mother to acquiesce, I tried out my first bowl of chocolatey breakfast heaven, certain I was moving my life forward into an entirely new world, from the likes of which I could never return. I was about to enter nirvana itself.
Nope. It sucked. Man, was it ever vile. “See?” Mom quipped, “I told you. Just because the ad says it’s delicious doesn’t mean it is.” I quietly finished my bowl in embarrassed silence, then slunk back into the living room to confront the television.
“You.” I hissed at the flickering box, “You have betrayed me. I’ll never trust you again.”
What dazzling advertisement persuaded you to buy something you absolutely did not need? Or want? Or even like?
Now I have that stupid song stuck in my head.
I hate you. Go back and eat your cereal.
Boy was I ever disappointed when I got home and realized I didn't have a girlfriend.
[youtube qegm5Z5rmVw http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qegm5Z5rmVw youtube]
I saw the movie you link to before I read your comment. I was about to ask you about your kids…
As a child who bottled up a lot of distress if a Matchbox got scratched, the AWESOME FUN CRASH TRACKS WHOA! left me deeply conflicted. I was also fixated on HungryHungryHippos and Mousetrap for years, until I actually got to play for more than five seconds or minutes, respectively.
I bugged the shit out of my parents to get me HungryHungryHippos, then I played it at a friend's house and it was crap. Same with Connnect Four and Etch-A-Sketch. Happily my parents refused and only bought me good stuff like Lego and Matchbox cars.
Jenga was another one that I wanted badly because of advertising, then I tried it and hated it. I didn't appreciate it at all until I played it on a bar at the beach in Thailand with a lovely girl from New Zealand. Virtually any game is vastly improved by sunshine, a dozen 35 cent beers, and pleasant company.
I was minding my own business and reading Hooniverse.com when I saw an ad for this Atomic Toaster product. I thought to myself: "self, you need an Atomic powered Toaster!". So here I am. I guess cold bread is OK…
I don't think the 'darkness' knob on mine is connected to anything, it always comes out charred.
On the upside, radiation burnt toast is the best burnt toast I've ever had.
It tingles.
And glows in the dark.
So do you after eating it.
Oh crap! you're right!
Oh well I needed a night light anyway.
Apparently I wasn't the only 10-year-old suckered in by the ad.
[youtube 9zlkzVaXibU http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zlkzVaXibU youtube]
[youtube dsZUSP1p20s http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsZUSP1p20s youtube]
But it never lies.