User Input

User Input: Kryptonite

And don't believe that Kryptonite dealer when he says it's not addictive.

In the Superman comics and movies, the named Man Who Was Super was impervious to almost everything you could throw at him. Bullets, explosions, laser beams, FSWFLBATTFH, even beautiful women, nothing could injure or harm him. Nothing, that is, except Kryptonite. It was the one substance, the one weapon that could render him… for lack of a better term… normal.

Everyone has their own private Kryptonite. For myself, it’s bastardization of the English language. The “OMG-Valley-Girl” accent drives me absolutely up the wall, and a demonstrated inability to use full words, sentences and punctuation immediately brings my opinion of that person to a new low. For Techie, meanwhile, his Kryptonite is anything shiny. Jingle some keys in a bright light and you can make him completely forget anything he was doing. Or his own name.

What is your own personal Kryptonite?

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36 comments to User Input: Kryptonite

  • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

    Boobs, not the idiots, the matching sort.

  • tiberiusẅisë

    Obscure references are my kryptonite. They consume 99% of my brain power at all times. They prevent me from maintaining any semblance of a cohesive thought process. They prevent me from interacting with my fellow humans. They pull me from the things I need to do like an irresistible Pon farr of mental distraction.

  • GlassOnion9

    I'd have to go with tiberius on this one.
    My wife and I will be driving or watching TV and I'll start chuckling because some random thing has triggered some other random memory that made me think of some idiotic pun or lame joke. Then she asks why I'm chuckling and I have to either:

    1) just tell her the pun/joke without context and sound like an idiot with no sense of humor
    2) try to explain the whole thought process and turn out sounding like an Arkham escapee
    3) say 'nothing' and risk her thinking I'm either completely insane or laughing at her

    • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

      I did no. 2 recently, and yeah I did sound ridiculous. I usually go with another option, vague explanation, "Oh I was just thinking about X," where X is dogs, cars, whatever. Thanks for the explanation on that doodad, seems to me a $120 stove top espresso maker that fails to really make espresso sadly.

    • tiberiusẅisë

      I usually go with #2 when I'm with my girlfriend. Believe me, I get paid back in spades with details of her day at the office.

    • jeepjeff

      I usually go with #2 or #3. If it is something that would merely make me sound like an Arkham escapee, I go with #2. My wife has enough geeky, esoteric interests that this isn't a big deal (and she'd understand the Arkham reference, actually, she'd see it as two references).

      If it is something horribly offensive or political and in the "©€°☠☢∞ I don't send my wife" category, I go with #3, and at this point, she knows she does not want to know (there were some teething issues around working out the precise boundaries on those two categories, but they're pretty well defined at this point).

      I only use #1 if she's in enough on the context to figure out what it is from just hearing the joke/pun.

    • I have a wife who, wonderfully, usually "gets" nearly all of my bizarre chuckles.

      Except for the inside jokes from Hooniverse. Those I have to explain.

    • I go with option #4, make up something simple. "I'm laughing at the dogs and/or baby." usually works.

  • Anyone who starts to speak to me without first saying my name or getting my attention. Drives me insane when the wife, kids, family or anyone starts speaking and expects that because I am within 50 feet I am listening to them. I've tried to explain that 20 years of loud noises has made my hearing not the greatest but they still do it. Whenever I ask them to repeat themselves, or they figure out I'm not hearing them……then I'm the bad guy.

    what? Because you started babbling I was expected to stop everything I was doing, look you in the eye and listen? Even if I am elbow deep in a project? To hell with that.

    • tiberiusẅisë

      I catch myself doing that all the time. At first I was getting angry at my teenager because every time I opened my mouth, 5 seconds later he'd say "whuuut?"

      I could be mid sentence. "What do you ""whuuuut?"" want for breakfast? Then we'd have a staring contest. Me holding a box of cereal in one hand and pancake mix in the other. Him sitting at the breakfast table. Then he'd say "I didn't hear you." I'd say "you must have heard something." "Uuuuummmm, something about breakfast?" Then I'd walk him through the thought process of figuring out what people are saying even if you don't recall hearing every single word.

      Then I noticed that he would start asking me questions with no lead in. I could be in the middle of washing dishes or running the blender and he'd mumble out a question from the next room. Now I just say his name, wait for the "whuuuut", and everyone's happy.

    • My wife has a wonderful talent of starting to talk to me when I'm least likely to hear her. It might be when I'm brushing my teeth, it might be when I have just walked out of the room, it might be when I have just started the trash compactor, the garage door opener or anything else loud. Seems like it is one of those "Every time!" things.

      • jeepjeff

        It's like flushing the toilet makes her think of something to say from across the house, right? (Mine does this too. She has accepted that she just has to repeat herself.)

      • Deartháir

        CaffeineFuelled never does this. She waits until that crucial moment in a TV show we're watching. You know that moment,

        TV: "Well, Inspector, it took a whole lot of detective work, but I've finally figured out that the killer is…"
        She: "Hey, have you seen my coffee mug?"
        TV: "…MY GOD, I never would have figured that! That's incredible! How did you ever figure out that it was…"
        She: "I've been hunting everywhere for it, and I can't find it."
        TV: "…fairly simple, you see, I eliminated all the other possibilities, and determined that the only person with the opportunity was…"
        She: "I could have sworn I left it right here."

  • Number_Six

    I have loads of shiny things kryptonite but I simply don't have the cash to act on those urges, so lack of funds fuels my steely resolve. Had I actual money, the list would be nearly endless. If we're talking kryptonite in terms of irritation, everything irritates me: from noisy eaters to people who can't read a map to people in their forties who still measure milk and sugar into their coffee and then sip it to see if they got the right ratio. How can you not be eyeballing your coffee when you're that age? Are you new?

  • BlackIce_GTS

    People are the cause of all my problems. I suppose I could technically blame everything on my parents, but in practice it's about 60% me and 40% everyone else. The parts that are my fault make me depressed, and the parts that are other people's fault make me angry. Put them together, and I'm a not-totally-functional person most of the time.

  • Movie quotes. Even when it's a totally inappropriate social setting, even when I know nobody present will recognize it, I HAVE to use obscure movie quotes in casual conversation.

    "I'd like to let everyone know that Bob in Accounting quit yesterday."
    "And Bob in Accounting? That was the last we ever saw of him. He lives now only in my memories."
    "Pete, are you okay? Do you need a cup of coffee or somethin'? No? Okay? Well, moving on with the staff meeting agenda…"

    • pj134

      In fact, one of the top 10 search results for that "That was the last we ever saw of him. He lives now only in my memories." is you from January on the Hooniverse.

      • The other one what gets used constantly around our house is Sigourney Weaver's "It's stupid, but I'm going to do it, okay?" My wife and I say it to each other at least once a week.

  • skitter

    Something that could make me… normal?
    Weirder people.
    Good luck.