Hack-It-Yerself, Idiotic or Inspired?, Prototypes and Experiments, Robotic Overlords, Startup, Vintage Advertisements

Startup: Realizing The Dream

In the 1920’s, radio was largely a voice transmission device. Other uses were just dreams like the one illustrated above: using radio to send command and control signals to machines. We here at AtomicToasters have worked tirelessly to bring this dream to life. After seven years, engineerd’s four smashed thumbs, and six hundred gallons of brefass scotch, we have created a version of the Robotic Automaton for home use. After failed attempts to market the device to law enforcement, it was decided that the consumer market would respond favourably to such an offering. Available as a home protection and enforcement device, you can use it to watch your house while you’re out, record thieves as they make off with your personal affects, discourage house guests who overstay their welcome with the Spinning Dildo Blade of Shame™ (see armature illustration), and gas unruly house pets with our patented Embarrassing Phallus Dispenser technology. Several prototypes have been tested, and the finalized Mark IV Sparky Home Automaton comes pre-programmed with multiple enforcement levels from Drunken Stepfather to New York Underground Dominatrix. You may have heard rumours about incidents with earlier revisions, but to be fair, Cardboard did steal from the cookie jar after setting Sparky to Islamic Hudud mode.

Our legal department (Dearthair’s bookmark to groklaw) tells us that the insurance only wants to cover accidental dismemberment, so there has been a slight delay in shipping, but we expect to have the Sparky (IV) Home Automaton available in time for Christmas.

  • If anyone has seen CaffeineFueled's cat, let me know. Some brefass scotch-fueled shenanigans late night testing seems to have led to the missing feline.

    • PowerTryp

      I think it'd just be best if you got a cat that looks the same and played it off like nothing happened. Wink wink.

      • It would be better to get a cat that looks nothing like it and then insist nothing happened.

    • Charles_Barrett

      Maybe he just took a trip in a kitty TARDIS… http://icanhascheezburger.com/2011/09/12/funny-pi

  • tiberiusẅisë

    Hubba hubba!

    <img src="http://www.joblo.com/newsimages1/Boilerplate.jpg&quot; width="400">

    • Hey, a Martini-Henry! I'm guessing a Mk III, but I'm not all that up on them. They're fun, though. A friend of mine has a Mk IV, which irritatingly is the most difficult when it comes to finding a bayonet at a reasonable price.

    • The Professor

      That looks like Bender's grandad.

  • Sometimes perpetual motion really does come in handy.

    <img src="http://gadgetopia.com/images/perpetual_motion.jpg&quot; width="250">

    • skitter

      That is an elegant suggestion that I haven't seen before.
      It would probably take me at least two pieces of paper to balance all the forces.

  • Are those tear gas outlets, or are you just happy to see me?

  • Alff

    Due to Sparky's insistence on using Lucas as a supplier, it's not the tear gas that will have early adopters crying.

  • Why didn't they give those old "science and technology" magazines names like Random Imaginary Crap? 'Cause that's what they were, for the most part. Like Popular Science today.

  • Number_Six

    So what's a telegraphone do?

  • The Professor

    Where is the phonograph with the default "kill all humans" message? That speaker must have a lovely tone.

  • I just noticed the byline, which is interesting…. seems to be the same H. Gernsback who a few years later launched the first magazine devoted to science fiction.

    • The Professor

      Well spotted, young man. And now we know what you do on Saturday afternoons.