Startup: Cry Me A River

"Don't worry, we'll wash it off later... with water cannons."

As you may have heard, there was a bit of a scuffle in Vancouver last night. While there are preliminary reports and speculation that the rioting may have been started by a small group of “activists” who specialize in inciting violence in crowds, the resulting damage was caused by a great many people, not just this small group.

Police responded in force, using all the tools at their disposal; water cannons, horses specially trained in crowd control, police dogs, truncheons, body armor and lexan shields. But the most obvious tool is one of the most effective: the tear-gas grenade.

In fairness, “grenade” is a colloquial term. The device itself is really little more than an aerosol can without a regulator on it. But it’s what’s inside that counts! Tear gas is, most commonly, a substance known as CS gas, after the two chemists who invented it. It is a substance that actually reacts with the tear ducts and mucous membranes in the sinuses, attacking enzymes and causing a response similar to an intense allergic reaction. If inhaled, it can cause shortness of breath, coughing, vomiting, and even temporary blindness. It’s rather like most wedding-based reality shows, really, except concentrated in a small bottle.

Most irritating was the fact that people who received a healthy dose of tear gas flooded local hospitals demanding treatment for their temporary ailment. Had they simply followed instructions when they were read the Riot Act, they wouldn’t have any ailments at all. To their credit, most hospitals refused them admittance, instead setting up a large tub of water with some baby shampoo in it, telling them to go dunk their heads until they felt better. Or until they stopped breathing, which would have been better advice.

  • P161911

    I still think one of the best riot/crowd control devices would be a weedeater. It is non-lethal, but I can't imagine anyone staying around once you stuck it in their face. The 2 cycle engine is sort of intimidating too. You cold have special line or heads for riot control.

    Of course in the old days the cops just had a riot shotgun those worked pretty good too.

    • tonyola

      You'd have to get in pretty close with the weedeater – definitely within rock or brick range.

      • P161911

        I didn't say get rid of the helmet or face shield. Maybe a riot shield with a weedeater shaft poking through the center.

        • aastrovan

          I travel with an industrial size can of hornet spray,shoots 40 feet, non-lethal and legal.

          • dmilligan

            I carry pepper spray that's used to ward off bears when you're out hiking. It shoots about 50 feet, is legal and non-lethal (unless you're allergic). It discourages curious bears (supposedly, I have yet to encounter a bear in Sacramento) and aggressive panhandlers (or potential muggers) in parking garages (definitely more common than bears in these parts, and it definitely works on them). I make sure that my wife who works nights downtown carries a fresh one, 'cause she's had to use hers too. It's safer than a taser. Probably.

    • dmilligan
  • discontinuuity

    I'd have more sympathy if they were protesting something noble instead of a silly sports game. Tahrir Square this ain't.

  • Deartháir

    I only watch it to see blood on the ice. No blood, no interest.

    • dmilligan

      What an animal. What would yer dear old mother say if she heard that? (Scratch that: I seem to recall that your mom might try to sell them a kidney or other spare part. Never mind.)

    • McQueen

      I think that's what pisses my off the most about hockey is when they get hit with a stick initially you think sweet he might be missing some chicklets but nope he's just acting like a big baby not a drop of blood to be seen

  • dmilligan

    Yeah, that isn't protesting, it's adults throwing a tantrum because their team lost. Fucking mace the lot of 'em.

  • P161911
    • IronBallsMcG

      That's kinda hot.

      • Deartháir

        She has got… quite… a nice bottom, hasn't she?

        …I've just said that out loud just now, haven't I?

    • McQueen

      This pic is fairly easy to explain , it's basic physics , for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction .

  • SeanKHotay

    What's the point of tear gas when Canuck fans are already crying?!

  • Boot camp late 80's:

    One of our "classes" was this wonderful experience known as "tear-gas training". Our entire company was instructed to don gas masks, and then we were marched into a small airtight shed in alphabetical order, and told to sit on the benches. They then pulled the pin on a small dose of tear-gas and let it thoroughly mix in the air allowing you to see how well the gas masks work. Sweet.

    Then, came part two; "Remove all gas masks, and remain seated until the door opens and you are instructed to leave". We were supposed to stand up and exit single file when it came time for our row to leave, and because we were in Alphabetical order those with later names had to stay longer.

    We were also warned that "a small percentage of the population has severe reactions to the tear gas, if this were to happen to you let us know immediately".

    Guess who had a reaction? Myself and 2-3 other poor saps, only they were up front and out first, and I was in the back stuck in hell.


    The company commander heard the commotion and thought I was just being a p#ssy until he saw my face. Snot, tears and slobber everywhere, and every bit of moisture that came out of my head was made of pure acid. My eyelids were swollen almost shut and my eyes were blood red, and I couldn't see a damn thing.

    "I heard him say "We didn't even use that much! Maybe we should send you to medical."

    It was horrid. I didn't go to the medics and with what seemed like hours of flushing with water it eventually wore off, but for the rest of the day my friends kept laughing at me because my face looked like a red Herman Munster.

    Seriously. Tear gas be some evil shit.

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