User Input

User Input: A Rose By Any Other Name

One of the things I love the most about large corporations is marketing. And by love, I mean “wish I could throw down a well.” Marketing is responsible for creating buzz around useless crap, bungling great ideas into failure, and quite often naming the products themselves (hey Intel, could you make it a little harder to tell your products apart?) One factor that goes into naming is public perception, or being “politically correct” so as not to offend anyone. In the end, the name sometimes becomes a joke instead of a brand.

The good people at Valve, makers of Portal 2, took this to a whole new level in their game which (from a writing perspective) brilliantly combines humour and sadism. As the creators of Aperture Science, they brought some of the most demented marketing terms the world has ever seen, like the “Edgeless Safety Cube” (pictured above) placed in the edgeless safety cube receptacle.

What are your favourite stupid/unintentionally funny marketing names for products?

[“User Input” is the AtomicToasters Question of the Day™ asking you, the teeming millions, to answer our pressing questions.]

  • SSurfer321

    The new Ford Explorer SUV…built utilizing a unibody structure.

  • OA5599

    Any idea why the Chevy Nova didn't sell well in Mexico?

  • Alff

    <img src=""width=500&gt;

    After an evening in the tub with this, Howard the Duck was never the same.

    • TechieInHell

      Just to make sure I understand correctly, you got yourself a duck named "Tranny" and then deliberately spent the entire evening in the tub with he(r)?

      • Alff

        Errrr… yes, yes I did.

    • Now we have polite shorthand for speaking in public places.
      "Is that 'woman' over there a floating radio duck?"
      "Seems like it to me, but I'm not about to find out for sure."

  • P161911

    Dyson includes a little chip of the plastic they use to make their vacuums with each one. The chip is labeled "Liquid Steel", it says: "As liquid steel flows in the mold, a metallic vein naturally occurs. These grades of ABS and polycarbonate are two of the strongest materials available."

    I am a mechanical engineer that works with designing some injection molded parts. What that actually is is a mold flow line that shows that you have a poor mold design. PC/ABS is nice, but nothing special.

    I like Dyson's vacs, but marketing doesn't need to use BS like this.

    • discontinuuity

      Not to mention that their vortex things have been used before on other vacuum designs.

  • How about the Happy Vertical People Transporter by Sirius Cybernetics Corporation

  • discontinuuity
    • OA5599

      It was a joke. In English it is easy enough to understand the difference between:

      "The penis mightier than the sword"
      "The pen is mightier than the sword"

      I'm pretty sure Spanish speakers can comprehend the space as well.

  • tiberiusẅisë

    Silly product has silly name.

    <img src="; width="400">

  • Charles_Barrett

    I still say the iPad sounds like an Apple-designed feminine hygiene product…
    [youtube 8eF0y0IfpPU youtube]