AT Pro Tips

Atomic Toaster’s Pro Tip: Don’t F*ck with Old People

Portrait of Lee De Forest (1873-1961), Electrical Engineer

Technology is fun. If it weren’t we wouldn’t be doing this. Sometimes, that fun can be had in nefarious ways. The early hackers used boxes to produce the right sequence and frequency of tones to get free long distance calls. Kevin Mitnick is famous for combining social engineering with his knowledge of computer systems to hack into several different corporate and government systems, as well as to ride the LA bus system for free. While these acts caused financial loss for companies and investors, they pale in comparison to using technology to f*ck with old people.

Old people are cranky. Hell, I’m only 34 and I’m already a cranky old man. We like to do what we like to do, and we don’t want no punk kids messin’ with our sh*t. You mess with our sh*t and you’re liable to get a golf club to your toys…and possibly to your junk. So, as a public service, I would like to remind everyone out there that, while using technology to mess with people can be a blast, make sure you don’t f*ck with old people.

Below is a video of some punk kids messin’ with some old guys just trying to enjoy a day out on the links. Had they known about this pro tip, Burrita would still be in one piece.


(Warning: the language is NSFW. Especially if you work in a church.)

[Photo Credit: Smithsonian Institution’s Flickr]

  • tiberiuswise

    My extreme hatred of golf makes me cheer these fine young pranksters even more than they deserve.

  • name_too_long

    The problem wasn't that they were f**king with old people, the problem was they didn't know when to quit.

    Assuming I played Golf; I probably would have done the same thing the old guy did, not because I'd be pissed off that they moved my ball but because they were stupid enough to let me get within range. They had more than enough time to f**k with the balls and get out but noooo they had to hang around.

    • TechieInHell

      Yes, if that had been me with the 9 iron, I would have done the same thing. Screw with my ball once, I might have laughed at the cunning of the prank. Keep it up after I've already made it to the green and ready to play? Up yours. I'm always up for a good prank, even if I'm the victim, but your fun shouldn't come at the expense of mine.

  • tonyola

    I gotta go with the old guys on this one. Smacking the dweeb's widdle toy car with the golf club was the perfect "fuck you for messing with my game" gesture. As PJ O'Rourke once said, "Age and guile beat youth, innocence, and a bad haircut."

  • Lotte

    He had the perfect chance to shout "Get off my lawn!"

    Seriously, you play the game, you pay the price. You drive for what seemed like an eternity. Your car was in range. You stand around and dick about with the people you just willingly pranked. You deserve a putter up your ass. They got off lightly. Run, idiots! and exercise more! I can't believe you were all winded after that little sprint!

    Holy shit; I'm saying this as a 20-year old. Super-cranky right now. If I find white hair on me ten years from now, I wouldn't be surprised.

    • highmileage_v1

      As a young shithead I probably would have done a similar prank as these kids. The difference is, I would have used better cover, and, when the old guys got pissed off and crushed my gizmo, I wouldn't be surprised or offended. If you play the game, don't be surprised when it goes bad, regardless of age. Oh, and take your lumps when you get them, it makes you scheme smarter next time.

      • Lotte

        Yeah, that's more like it. As one that observes young shitheads 😉 those really come off as rather whiny and molly-coddled. And stupid. And liars (Camera: on). Then they were trying to reason!?! with the guy slowly starting to fume and holding a friggin' nine iron. Run, you stupid turkey, RUN!!

  • Number_Six

    I'm on team old fellas. Maybe because I play golf and I'm old. And I hate kids. Get off the lawn I just rented for $120 you meddling little bastards!

  • P161911

    If you are going to mess with golfers just get a shotgun and see how many balls you can hit mid-air. I doubt that they would come after you with a golf club, call the cops maybe, but not come after you with a golf club.

    In most places you can get away with one shot. On the first shot people say "What was that?" On the second it is "Oh crap somebody is shooting, I'm calling the cops!"

  • Deartháir

    It's not often I side with the Oldfuckers, but in this case, I only wish they'd hit the little bastards' toy a few dozen more times, and perhaps a few good hits to the video camera. Punk-ass little children like this deserve nothing less than a hard punch to the face.

  • zaddikim

    Those little twats had it coming.

    I'm not even a golf fan, and I thought the whole thing was stupid until Rambo's Dad smoked the RC unit. THEN it was entertainment.

    And as mentioned above, a twenty-something getting winded when being chased by someone almost old enough to be his grand-dad?


    That is all.

    • highmileage_v1

      That's what had me laughing about this whole episode. A 20-something unable to run 50 meters? A grey haired gent running the 20 year old to ground? No wonder the military has to give new recruits "remedial" PT before putting them into basic training.

      • zaddikim

        Nice username by the way – fellow fogey?

        Anyway, yeah, the remedial PT thing? Most likely due to the Nintendo Generation, stuck in front of their TVs as kids ,graduating to XboX and PS2/PS3's, getting Couch Butt. Sedentary lifestyle, meet military life.

        The MilSpec set loves these kids for their superior hand-eye coordination from the vidya games, but it comes at a stupid cost.

  • IronBallsMcG

    What the hell did they expect?
    You would think being of the generation where everyone is exceptional they would be smarter.

    • IronBallsMcG

      BTW that's more of a comment on the schools and what my generation seems to have created than a thought on the youth themselves.

      • zaddikim

        If you mean the "ooh, Snowflake's got a pulse – he/she gets a medal!" thing that obtains in schools nowadays (sadly now on this side of the border too), then I know what you mean. Aside from the odd exception of the 17-yo with a large, usable vocabulary and the wit to use it creatively, most of the kids I work with are functionally illiterate, if not openly disdainful of reading, and have little to no critical thinking facilities.


        • Deartháir

          Ask CardboardTube about this one; he's a high-school teacher, and they've just foisted some new rules on him, which involve something about how every student passes, and can hand in an assignment at any point, any time, no matter how late, regardless of the time, and have it marked, and get their grade reassessed, with no lateness penalty whatsoever.

          I expect you're going to see a few teachers start saying "no, some kids just deserve to fail, I'm not re-marking this."

          That's a great way to prep kids for the real world, because we all know there are no deadlines or assignment dates in the real world!

          • skitter

            Honestly, if the kids are willing to re-do their work over and over and over until they bring their grade up, I say let them. It's extra effort for both parties, and the rest of the workload should not be reduced, but the point is to improve in a subject. It would also hush those who worry endlessly about their grades.

          • zaddikim

            Heh. What few people want to acknowledge is that it's somebody's job to ask "do you want fries with that?".

            Don't get me wrong, There are kids out there that are quite capable, it's just that the education system is being streamlined to get them through with a rolled-up diplomas, mortarboards on their heads, and not much else.Yes, that might be a harsh generalization, but I'd bet there's more than a grain of truth to it.

            I have schoolteacher friends myself, one teaching 10/11 science, and her enthusiasm for the job flags too often for my comfort. If a science teacher wants to bring a cattle prod to work, and it's not for an experiment with electricity, is that bad?

          • tonyola

            While this approach might work for future members of Congress, the rest of the world has deadlines and drop-dead dates and the kids must learn to accept and deal with that.

          • zaddikim

            Excremental fallout from GWB's "No Child Left Behind", no doubt. Is CardboardTube teaching on the North of the border, or South?

            What I'm wondering is how this sort of bovine excreta obtained in the first place – the hippy-dippy types that don't want their kids to go through the same humiliation they did, or the helicopter pilots who cannot conceive of their precious waste of oxygen ever failing at anything?


          • Combined with educators who have never been in "the real world", and therefore have little basis for knowing what to prepare kids for.

            Not all educators are like that, and some who have never been in "the real world" at least have the sense to know at least some of how "the real world" works. However, school systems have become a self-breeding entity with no link to "the real world". This isn't exactly good. Even universities, not exactly bastions of sanity themselves, know enough to have industry panels so they can gage what is needed in "the real world".

          • zaddikim

            Oh, trust me, I know not all educators are like that – exactly four of the teachers I've ever had have had the –

            1. Wit to know how a student communicates, and adjust to that for better 'transmission' of ideas


            2. Zeal for the job. It is, in fact, one of the last 'honourable professions', and it's sad that so few see it that way, rather than a sweet paycheque.

            Sad thing (relatively speaking, of course) is that three of those teachers were music teachers, the other being an English teacher.

            So many educators, to put it bluntly, apply formulae to their entire class, and cannot conceive of actually 'thinking sideways' to better impart their knowledge to another.

            On the "real world" tip, I've often felt the same about architects and (don't hurt me, please) engineers, having been in the construction and manufacturing businesses several times. If you haven't put on a bucket and gotten your hands dirty putting together someone else's idea of what [insert something] is, then you don't really know what you're going to be doing. I've wired (from the ground up, literally) a few places that have had me shaking my head, because it was such a pain in the cock to actually do what the architect/engineer intended..

            That would actually make a great "Hooniverse Asks" post, don't you think?

            "What feature/technology looked great, even world-shattering on paper, and just failed miserably upon first contact with Real Life(tm).

  • Jack Links

    Man. I thought it was funny until the fat one started swinging at the kids. Break their stupid toy, awesome, give them good yelling-at, great, they deserved it.

    BUT: If you're a pasty, fat 60 year-old man, don't swing a golf-club at a 20 year-old, or if you do you'd better have great aim and perfect range or you're not going to be in possession of your weapon for long. If those kids were a different sort, this would have ended with a badly injured old man.

  • Modeleccentric

    Soo with the greybeards on this one. I'd have buttstroked the little bastard for getting into my face as well. Ruin my shot will ya?

  • Ugh. If there's a lesson to take from all this it's this: don't mess with old guys and their golf game. I played on my High School team and believe me, those crochity bastards would get all red in the face at the simplest shit. It's nice when the kinder old gents would gently let us know when we break one of the rules but for the most part it would turn into something like this. It was a good go pranksters but you're out of your league. You would have been better off doing it like the Jackass guys:

    [youtube SHBTRmstGus youtube]

  • Fucking with the Olds is a right of passage. I did my share, because I thought they were crusty and dumb. Only after getting whooped did I realize that, no, in fact, it was not awesome to fuck with Olds. Fuck with you people your own age; they will appreciate it more.

  • Okay, I'll be the spoilsport: It's fake. If you read some of the comments on YouTube for tips, it's clear it was edited just after the fatal swing. The two most obvious indications are that the wheels magically become reaffixed to the car and that the people in the background instantaneously teleport elsewhere. I must admit I didn't notice either of these on my own.

  • McQueen

    So the moral of the story is if you fiddle with old mens balls things are likely to get messy and broken ?